whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
