My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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