I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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