Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
