I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
