Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
