Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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