Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tornado booty call.. dedication
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
