Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
