I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
