Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She told me I should be a condom model.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
