So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
