Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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