96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
