I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
