What a fucking waste of an outfit
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need moral support for this bender
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
