Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
