I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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