I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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