So gin and wine won't be happening again
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I want a musical about memes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
