Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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