he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
