who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
