btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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