So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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