I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
