i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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