Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
