Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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