Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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