i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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