with your own penis?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
