my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
