Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
