Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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