I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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