You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
