Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
