Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I pour the whiskey from now on
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
