Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Terrible idea I love it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
