Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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