Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
