That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
