so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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