she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
