his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
