Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

This guy has a retainer. We're golden.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA

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(408): View more from California

Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission

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(518): View more from New York

He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?

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(478): View more from Georgia

That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.

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