Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
