two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
