I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
