just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
