4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
