as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
