what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize