Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
