thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
