Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
