If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
