The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
