we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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