HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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