I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
