I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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