so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
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I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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