Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
