dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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