I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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