If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
