I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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