i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
