do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
