My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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