i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
