She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
