when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
