so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
