I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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